the weird smell of poop

everyone poops. i hope thats not news to anyone. the only people that might slightly show is the north koreans— and that’s because the official government position is that their leaders butt is purely decorative.

today i got home from basketball and went straight to the restroom downstairs, before i even stepped in the smell hit me. it was the smell of flowers in a field with a shit smell i can only describe as gastroenterologically unsound. i mean it smelled like fresh baked crumbl cookies but a homless man took a shit on them. like if you close your eyes you know what your supposed to be smelling, but something severely fucked it up.

i remember one time i was laying down in the living room holding in my own shit and i started smelling something funky. i hadn’t farted. i damn well knew i didnt shit myself. or at least i hoped— i dont have the best track record. i was doing double takes, scratching my butt and then shamelessly smelling my hand trying to figure out what had happened. my mom was trying to cover her shit up with febreeze. first of all, ma, who you tryna impress? ive seen you dutch oven my dad on the couch and i know damn well its not for me. how bad your doodoo gotta be that you draw that line. “na uh, my husband of 25 years is packing his shit up TODAY if he smells this”. so she covers it up with febreeze. but febreeze doesn’t erase the smell, it just creates a… smell crime scene. like the flowers are there to testify about what happened.

also, happy birthday pakistan

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148 - 08/14/2025