half assing love

i was so scared to fall in love so i gave myself safe. its funny though, you can’t love someone and pretend not to be in love with them. you’re either all in or not in it at all.

i think next time around when i feel myself falling in love, ill be more vulnerable. my only regret is that i was too indecisive and scared, worried about falling in love and getting attached to someone i wasnt sure would stay.

i love her so much. my hearts definitely feeling a little heavy right now.

i want to talk about everything else she said— how i deserve someone that can add to the passionate conversations we would have, how her life is busy, how ive been distant (the truth is i was just focussed on my own work). im sorry i didnt give you more time. i love hearing from you, your calls were the highlight of my day and they always gave me something to think about.

i know we’re not perfect for each other, but who cares? there’s always going to be someone better for you. why would i go on a search for something else when im perfectly content as is?

i have work to do for work right now. ugh i fucking hate that i have to focus on my work. how dumb is it that humans can go through turmoil and we still have to wake up and think about money? what a silly existence.

“ahh, the human experience” (as ali once said). one must imagine sisyphus happy.

---

the funny thing is, this isn’t even about yesterday— this is about ali.

---

98 - 06/25/2025